Fiction Friday - Featuring Stacey Hawkins Adams

Author and Speaker Stacey Hawkins Adams
Learn more about Stacey and Water Colored Pearls http://staceyhawkinsadams.com/

Excerpt from Water Colored Pearls

Today the tears stopped.
The way her mother looked at her this morning told Tawana if she didn’t pull herself together, she’d soon find herself admitted to a local hospital.
“You’ve been crying for two weeks and you won’t tell me why. Misha doesn’t hear you every night but I do. You’re losing weight, drinking bottle after bottle of wine and using all the tissue in the house. What is going on with you, Tawana? Do I need to call a doctor?”
Mama had ranted before, but today she picked up the yellow pages to find some help.
Tawana dashed over and snatched the book from her.
“No, Mama! I’m fine; I just have a lot on my mind.”
“I can see that, Tawana.”
Ms. Carter extended her hand for Tawana to return the phone book.
“Since you won’t talk to me, you’re going to talk to someone. I didn’t come up here with you to this highfalutin’ place, so this fancy education you’re gettin’ could drive you crazy. Misha needs you.”
She formed a thin line with her lips, but Tawana already knew what her mother was too proud to admit: she needed her too.
Tawana fell to her knees in front of her mother and laid her head on her lap. Sobs wracked her body.
Ms. Carter rubbed her daughter’s back and wept too.
“What is it, Tawana? What is wrong?”
When the tears finally abated, Tawana sat back and wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Mama, but I’m going to be okay. I’m sorry I’ve scared you; it’s just been a stressful time. It’s going to be alright.”
Ms. Carter stared at Tawana, wanting to believe her.
“One of them boyfriends did something to you, didn’t he?”

©Copyright 2004-2007. Stacy Hawkins Adams All Rights Reserved.

Wise Wives, I Want to Hear It From You!

In response to the poll I posted last week, the majority of those who responded wanted to address communication, with intimacy following a close second. Here's what I need from you...
email me at wisdomforwives.blogspot.com and let me know the one topic that sets if off between you and your hubby.

Response due on Monday, June 29th. I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon.!
"V"

Wives seeking advice

According to the emails I've received since I started this blog last week, there are three main areas that readers would like me to address:



Communication

Intimacy

Other

I will be blogging in general terms about Communication and Intimacy, but I'll need some help with "Other." If you'd like personalized responses to specific issues, please do not hesitate to write me at:

Write me at wisdomforwives@gmail.com

Mentoring Monday - Featuring Ministry Marketing Solutions

Pam Perry,

Chief Visionary of Ministry Marketing Solutions

http://ministrymarketingsolutions.com/

http://myspace.com/pamperryprcoach

Pam's Perry's guidance, encouragment, PR workshops/seminars/conferences and networking functions are key contributing factors to getting my debut novel onto bookstore shelves and into the hands of hundreds of readers! To God be the glory! Visit her on the web!


Nurturing, Developing, Teaching and Testifying = Mentoring
And they overcame by the Blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.
Rev. 12:11 KVJ

As I think about it, the primary purpose in my developing this blog is to mentor. I'm at the 'tweenie' stage in life where I'm not exactly a newbie, but I'm not old enough to be considered a "mother" of the church. Besides, mentoring should not be based upon chronological age but rather, area of expertise, training and life experiences. Mentoring is actually an extensive testimony of lesson's we've learned. Particularly when we overcome fiery trials - it's not all about us, but for us to be in a position to encourage someone else at a later time.

When the Lord blesses us with skills, experiences, victories and the like, we can't just sit on them -it's our responsibility to Pay It Forward.

I've had some wonderful women who've mentored me and are still doing so today. Along the way I meet new mentors. Who says you can't teach an old (or middle aged) dog new tricks. We all need to attach ourselves to someone who has been there and done that. God forbid that I should ever reach a point in life where I think I know it all.

Split-Second Bible Lesson On Mentoring

The passing of the mantle from the elder prophet, Elijah to his successor Elisha is the description of a mentoring relationship. In Scripture, those with wisdom continually share that wisdom, together with their own experiences, with novices. Naomi schooled her widowed Moabite daughter-in-law in the intricacies of Jewish law so that Ruth could re-marry and become part of the Messiah's lineage (Ruth 3-4). Mordecai shrewdly steered Esther through the treachery of the Persian court to save the lives of God's chosen people (Esther 2-7).

In her older cousin Elizabeth, Mary had a miraculously expectant mentor to coach her during her first trimester of pregnancy (Luke 1:39-56). The apostle Paul gave astute advice, enabling Timothy and Titus to multiply his ministry; and in the Gospels, Jesus illuminated the way for the Twelve, the first of generations of disciples to follow the ultimate Mentor.

Women have a special admonition for mentoring. The older women in the church are challenged to teach or mentor the younger or less experienced women. (Titus 2:1-5). This one-on-one process has also been called "spiritual mothering." Paul described the qualifications for these mentors and set forth what they were to teach. This is a positive and important ministry in the church for women.

Black Pride - 365!

I'm standing on my soapbox and preaching to the choir...

Although Juneteeth, (June 19th, a day set aside to annually celebrate the emanication of slaves) has been observed since the mid-1860s, it still hasn't caught on across the country. To be honest I hadn't heard a thing about any observances or celebrations here in the Detroit area. I admit that I didn't know much about when, where or even why it is celebrated until I took the time to read an article posted by Black Voices yesterday.

While I'm not looking for another national holiday to celebrate, I do think it is essential for those of us who are of African descent to research our roots and thank God for our mere existence. I'm so in awe of families who know the details about relatives from several prior generations.

All of us should be deeply proud of the simple fact that we're here, in this very day and hour. Think about it, there had to have been thousands of Africans who were stolen from their homes and forced onto slave ships all those years ago.

The captives were stripped, chained in groups of five, and packed tightly into the slave hold (a deck below the main deck and above the cargo hold) so that one person's head, when lying in rows, was forced upon another person's thigh. In the ship's dark cargo hold, each slave had 3 feet 3 inches (1 m) of headroom during the ten-week voyage. The captives were sometimes brought up on deck and fed rice. Those who tried to starve themselves, as often happened, were whipped and forced to eat. While they were at sea, water supplies ran low, and disease spread through the closely packed, unventilated slave deck. At times when supplies ran low, the crew would chain 30-40 slaves and attach a heavy weight at the end, then throw it over board forcing the chained people into the water to drown. Nearly a third of the slaves died during the long voyage from disease, malnutrition, and beatings. Their American bloodline was never to be.


Some might ask, "What has that got to do with me?" My response is that it has EVERYTHING to do with you - and me. Had we not come from a strong, resilient bloodline so many generations ago, we simply would not even EXIST today. If it had not been for those who by the grace of God had the spiritual, physical and mental fortitude to refuse to die, we wouldn't be here to witness the historic political phenomenon that we're currently experiencing.

Now before someone calls me on it, I realize that Senator Barak Obama's American roots hail from the Caucasian side of his family; however my point is that our African and African-American predecessors paved the way so that all American citizens would have the same rights. Including the right to vote - let alone run for president!

I can only imagine how filled with pride our predecessors would be to see that the suffering they endured all those years ago was for such a time as this! If only those who withstood the dogs, rape, water hoses, beatings, lynchings and other unimaginable atrocities, so that we might partake of basic human rights, could see that their sacrifices were not in vain.

If we would all - young and old, revisit the past and study the experiences of our previous generations, perhaps we would not take so much for granted.

Perhaps parents would respect one another - and our children. Our sons would take their rightful place as holy princes, treat women with honor and respect; and our daughters would realize that they hail from spiritual royalty and esteem their bodies accordingly. None of us would allow ourselves to be contaminated by violence, filth, and degradation.

Education would be sought after - as opposed to lusting temporary fixes for designer clothing, jewelry and cars we can't afford. Perhaps we would return to the pride of home, business and community ownership as opposed to perpetual indebtedness for something we will never own.

Other cultures traditionally teach their young about their ancestors and how they got to be where they are. There is a misconception that our history has not been preserved. Our history lessons were whispered inside the darkened rooms of secret meeting places. Coded messages were transmitted from house to field and back again through songs and signals.

Our history was carved into trees, hidden under floor boards and scrawled onto parchment. It's true that much of our history is buried, but nevertheless it is documented. It's there for us to unearth like precious buried treasure.

Museums, libraries, websites and even keepsake family bibles are brimming with historical names, dates and facts. Some are even fortunate enough to have living, breathing testimonies among us. Now is the time to really listen to their "how I got over" stories. It is our legacy.

We have to be diligent in mining our roots, then passing our bounty on to the generations to come - lest we forget.

Black pride is not something you can take out of storage to put on display once a year like Christmas decorations.

Black pride is not catch phrase, it is a state of being - 365 days a year.

Fiction Friday - Excerpt from He's Fine, But Is He Saved? by Kimberley Brooks

Yup, that's me hanging out in NYC last year with the big girls, authors Kimberley Brooks, Stacey Hawkins Adams, Sherri Lewis and Marilynn Griffith. Visit them on the web!

http://kimonthweb.com/
http://staceyhawkinsadams.com/
http://sherrilewis.com/
http://mariylnngriffith.com/

Wise wives (and wives-to-be) realize the importance of incorporating a little "me time" on a regular basis. When I need/want to take a break from my own writing (and the other million and one things on my to-do list) I like to shut myself in, light some scented candles, turn on some music, make myself a healthy snack tray yeah right; and go on a virtual vacation with a terrific Christian novel. No wonder it takes me so long to complete my own novels.


Each Friday, I will treat you to excerpts from novels written by some of my favorite Christian fiction authors - starting with the authors pictured above. This week we begin with my home girl, Kimberley Brooks. Enjoy!


He's Fine But is He Saved?

Chapter 1 Flirting

"He fiiiiiiine," Sandy sang across the restaurant table and ran her tiny, cream-colored hand through her short black tresses. She was referring to some stranger seated at the bar.
Sandy, Liz, and I were enjoying Sunday brunch on a chilly afternoon in April at one of Detroit's finest restaurants downtown. The soothing jazz sounds coming from the black baby grand increased my enjoyment as I swayed with the music. We single ladies are celebrating the fact that we're "big girls now." We're all in our early-to-late twenties, graduated from different colleges, and have fairly decent jobs. We can afford to splurge once in a while. I snapped back into the reality of Sandy's comment and looked around to make sure no one else heard her remark. "Who fine?" I asked and then looked back down at my jambalaya.

I tell you. Sandy can be so obvious at times. One day I'm going to teach her young, twenty-three-year-old self how to do things with class, or at least learn how to use codes so that the whole restaurant doesn't know we're checking a brotha out.

"What man are you talking about now?" retorted Liz. Liz is twenty-seven, two years older than I am. She has never approved of Sandy's flirtatious ways. I watched Liz play with her house salad. Her meal selection is a result of her trying to lose weight. In the past three months, Liz went from a size ten to a size sixteen. I believe a lot of her weight gain has to do with having to put up with her single mother's wild antics at home. Next to praying, Liz's favorite thing to do when something is bothering her is eat. However, she still looks good with her flawless caramel-colored skin and shoulder length, black micro-zillions that are half braided, half loose. Liz and I have always had lunch together after church. Then four months ago, the Lord reunited Sandy and me, former high school classmates, one day at the grocery store. We exchanged numbers, and I invited her to church. That following Sunday, dressed in four inch heels and a short and tight jean dress with rhinestones, Sandy responded to the altar call. I walked down the aisle with her and she, in tears, got saved. I haven't been able to get rid of Sandy since that day. Now the Lord has given me a spiritual assignment to be her spiritual guide and friend. I don't mind too much, I guess, even though sometimes I do have to remind Liz, my best friend of five years now, that Sandy is still young in the Lord. Sandy's behavior can be quite unpredictable at times, especially when it comes to her interactions with the opposite sex. "Him, at the bar," Sandy whispered loudly while pointing toward the bar with her fork. I peeked at the bar section and saw an older white gentleman wearing a hideous toupee, an older black woman wearing a tight red dress holding a glass of mimosa, and a black man who looked to be in his late twenties. He was dark-skinned with a bald head, had thick juicy lips, and enough muscles to make Tyrese look bad. The black muscle shirt he wore proved he was built, and his tan pants hugged his thighs. I must admit, the brotha was fine. As Sandy kept flirting with him with her dark brown eyes, the man responded by looking over at her with hungry eyes of his own and a sexy smile.
"Give me a break," Liz said after sneaking a glance at the man and then snapping her neck. "You just got out of church not even an hour ago, and here you are flirting with some man. Ghetto."

360 Pages ISBN: 978-0-373-83061-9

You Never Should Have Married Him!

...If You Didn't Want His Kids!



I was saddened when I received a phone call from a distraught woman who said she was at her wit's end. She told me about a situation she was experiencing with her former (I don't like the word "ex) husband and his new wife. She told me that both she and her former husband have each been remarried for some time now, but that the new wife has never wanted anything to do with their now teen aged daughter.

According to the woman, the "new wife" doesn't want her husband to interact with his daughter and resents the fact that he has to pay child support. Granted, the dynamics of "step" families (another phrase that I'm not fond of - I use bonus) can be quite challenging. However, if you're even remotely considering marrying a man who already has children, you both need to know in advance what you will and won't, can and can't take. If you're already married to a man with children from a previous relationship, keep in mind that you you're in it 'til death do you part. You have to make it work. It can be done if you're willing to do your part.

Now before you fill up my email box, let me explain what I mean by making it work. I mean that you, as a Christian woman do everything that the Lord requires us all to do.

• Employ the fruits of the spirit


• ask for wisdom


• act with temperance
also,


• Refuse to get caught up in drama



• Choose which battles to become involved in and which ones to opt out of



• Don't try to intercept phone calls from your bonus kids' or their mother



• Don't show up to her house uninvited

The children involved in these complicated relationships have their own set of issues to deal with, in addition to normal growing pains. More often than not, they are ill-equipped to handle the confusion that comes along with being a member of a blended family. Their parents live in separate homes, there may be other children involved that they feel they have to compete with, they may feel that they're betraying the "bio-mom" by at minimal, acting civil toward you...the list of possibilities is endless.

Without question, we women are often guilty of being scornful and it is not uncommon for the "bio-mom" to distort the children's perception of you and your husband. Depending upon the circumstances, you may not be able to do anything about it except pray for all involved and be supportive. By being supportive I mean this:

• Encourage your husband to maintain regular contact and dialogue with all of his children.




• If they are still minors, see to it that he makes child support payments ON TIME.




• Make your husband, and your "bonus" children feel comfortable when they are in your presence




• Attempt to extend the olive branch to the "bio-mom"




• Gently, and patiently establish boundaries in your home with your "bonus kids." Be consistent, but also willing to be flexible.




• Do not make blatant distinctions between your "bio" and "bonus" kids




• Back off and give the kids space if they don't receive what you have to offer. In most cases they will eventually come around

Now, in defense of your bonus kids' mother, you very well may have married a man who was a complete jerk when he was involved with her. It is, what is it. Somehow woman of God, you will have to work your way through this maze of emotions and obscure boundaries - in the best of situations it's tough.

My three "bonus kids" were quite young when Rick and I got married. There were great sacrifices that had to be made - some the children, who by the way are all adults now, will never be aware of. I never once complained about his paying child support all those years. Our doors have always been open for them to spend as much time in our home as they wanted to. I've attended all sorts of school, extra-curricular events and family celebrations - with pride and joy. But I also know that when to say when. Meaning, I never smother them or try to compete for their loyalty and affection with their bio-mom. I've always met them where they are.

The bottom line, when a woman commits to a man who already has children, she should be committing to the children as well. If she doesn't want to do that, shame on her and she shouldn't have married him.

If you're in a similar situation and realize that you're not a candidate for the Bonus Mother of the Year award:

• Pray and ask for God's will to be done




• Pray for the children involved. No matter how obnoxious they seem, they need the love and support of everyone involved in their lives




• Pray for your husband, that God will heal his heart and make it possible for him to be the father he was called to be




• Pray for the bio-mom. She's probably wounded, she may be jealous or she might just be crazy! It's not for any of us to judge, but to give to God what we can't change




• Never, ever speak negatively about the children, their bio-mom or any of her family when there are ANY children in your presence (neither bonus or bio)

Split-Second Bible Lesson:

Paul admonished Euodias and Synthyche, two women embroiled in conflict, to unify for the good of the church. Likewise, the focal point should be on the overall well being of the children. Family relationships, nuclear as well as extended, are to reflect the relationship between the church and Christ.

Read : Philippians Chapter 4, with emphasis on verse 2 with regard to two powerful women within the body of Christ.

Also Romans 12:18