Behold how good and pleasant it is for bretheren to dwell together in unity! Psalm 133:1The following poem circulates on the internet perpetually. I felt it appropriate to include in this blog.
"Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end.
BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles arebetweenyou. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it byyourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters,sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, andextended family, all bless our life! The world wouldn't be the samewithout women, and neither would I."
Many wives say that their husbands are their best friends, your's truly included. Additionally, I am blessed to have several BFFs (Best Friends Forever). They are ladies in my circle of influence who are near and dear to my heart. Some of them are my age, some young enough to be my daughters, some seasoned enough to be my mothers. Some of them have become my friends within the past couple of years, others within the last twenty years; and then there are those precious jewels who have been my girlfriends since we all had waistlines (my BFF Thomasina still has a waistline, and I think she can probably still do a cartwheel). All of my friends are a necessary part of my life but not necessarily at the same time. I'm bound to my girlfriends by the interests we share; by business ventures, church or community involvement. One thing we all have in common is the love of Christ.
I've been told that you can only have one or two real friends and for most that might be true. Fortunately the relationships I have with the women I'm referring to have stood the proverbial test of time. I've also enjoyed short term, transitional relationships which were meaningful for the season in which they took place.
A woman who like me, has been blessed to have a loving, supportive husband and nuclear family is fortunate indeed. And I don't take that privilege lightly. It's such a treat for me to be in the company of my true, got-your-back-no-matter-what girlfriends.
I've heard women say I just don't trust other women or I don't get along with other women and I feel sad for them. Women who subscribe to the philosophy of mistrusting or avoiding friendship with other women based solely upon their gender have either had a very bad experience or have been trained to think that way from an early age.
Women have told me they don't trust other females or have girlfriends because the girl I thought was my best friend stole my boyfriend/baby's daddy/husband. They cut the friend off (and rightfully so) but let the cheating man off the hook with some sort of warning - placing the weight of the blame on the woman.
Food for thought: Some women will deny themselves the pleasure of having meaningful friendships with deserving women because they don't want to risk getting burned again, but continue to get involved in toxic relationships with the same man in a different suit.
But, as they say I digress to the benefits of having a girlfriend or two in your life. There are things you can share with your girlfriend that your husband can't - and doesn't even want to relate to. For example, your hormonal issues, the way the guy in the next cubicle is trying to take credit for your hard work, the woman in the alto section who you think gives your husband way too much attention... Those are conversations men often dismiss as "emotional" or as"female paranoia" - and sometimes they may even be right. I often tell my husband he can't relate to some of my feelings and opinions because he doesn't have a uterus! It's wonderful though, to have the freedom to bounce our feelings, be they ligitmate or not, off your girlfriends.
You can be real with your girlfriends; you don't ever have to be on. No age group has a monopoly on geniune relationships. They can be enjoyed during with the Pimply PMSing teen years, the neurotic, psychotic 20s, the Think-you've-got-it-all-together 30s, the Fierce 40s and, where I am today, the Fabulous 50s.
As with any relationship, the time spent and energies invested in establishing, cultivating and maintaining a relationship with girlfriends requires prioritizing and balance. You can't neglect your household, work or family in favor or your girlfriend, unless of course she is in crisis mode. In that same vane, the woman your kids call "Auntie" should not be sitting at your kitchen table every time your husband comes in from work and you shouldn't be running over to her house all of the time. There isn't a set calculation for what is considered reasonable and what is not. That is dictated by the needs of your household and should be agreed upon between you and your husband.
Imagine your life as a scaled down dart board. In the center, the bullseye, is Jesus, your spiritual core, the next "ring" represents your husband, then your family. The rings don't end there, and neither does your life. Our total being is made up of many components. Work, personal interests and non-nuclear relationships are among those components. A woman who excludes rich external relationships may not be aware of the myriad of benefits derived from having at least one BFF.I encourage the outlets of lunch dates, chick flick nights, women's retreat, pamper parties, etc. Being involved with girlfriends in the proper context, can help you as a wife to maintain a sense of self and simply adds joy. If you're a person who can't get into female relationships, but would like to, email me and perhaps we can get to the root of the matter.
I conduct a powerful workshop for women entitled, Your Slip Is Showing, which addresses the development and maintenance of agape friendships between women. For information about how you can bring Your Slip Is Showing to your women's group, email me at wisdomforwives@gmail.com.
By the way in case you were wondering, the little ladies in the picture are two of my eight granddaughters.
