BFFs

Behold how good and pleasant it is for bretheren to dwell together in unity! Psalm 133:1

The following poem circulates on the internet perpetually. I felt it appropriate to include in this blog.

"Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end.
BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles arebetweenyou. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it byyourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters,sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, andextended family, all bless our life! The world wouldn't be the samewithout women, and neither would I."

Many wives say that their husbands are their best friends, your's truly included. Additionally, I am blessed to have several BFFs (Best Friends Forever). They are ladies in my circle of influence who are near and dear to my heart. Some of them are my age, some young enough to be my daughters, some seasoned enough to be my mothers. Some of them have become my friends within the past couple of years, others within the last twenty years; and then there are those precious jewels who have been my girlfriends since we all had waistlines (my BFF Thomasina still has a waistline, and I think she can probably still do a cartwheel). All of my friends are a necessary part of my life but not necessarily at the same time. I'm bound to my girlfriends by the interests we share; by business ventures, church or community involvement. One thing we all have in common is the love of Christ.

I've been told that you can only have one or two real friends and for most that might be true. Fortunately the relationships I have with the women I'm referring to have stood the proverbial test of time. I've also enjoyed short term, transitional relationships which were meaningful for the season in which they took place.

A woman who like me, has been blessed to have a loving, supportive husband and nuclear family is fortunate indeed. And I don't take that privilege lightly. It's such a treat for me to be in the company of my true, got-your-back-no-matter-what girlfriends.

I've heard women say I just don't trust other women or I don't get along with other women and I feel sad for them. Women who subscribe to the philosophy of mistrusting or avoiding friendship with other women based solely upon their gender have either had a very bad experience or have been trained to think that way from an early age.

Women have told me they don't trust other females or have girlfriends because the girl I thought was my best friend stole my boyfriend/baby's daddy/husband. They cut the friend off (and rightfully so) but let the cheating man off the hook with some sort of warning - placing the weight of the blame on the woman.

Food for thought: Some women will deny themselves the pleasure of having meaningful friendships with deserving women because they don't want to risk getting burned again, but continue to get involved in toxic relationships with the same man in a different suit.

But, as they say I digress to the benefits of having a girlfriend or two in your life. There are things you can share with your girlfriend that your husband can't - and doesn't even want to relate to. For example, your hormonal issues, the way the guy in the next cubicle is trying to take credit for your hard work, the woman in the alto section who you think gives your husband way too much attention... Those are conversations men often dismiss as "emotional" or as"female paranoia" - and sometimes they may even be right. I often tell my husband he can't relate to some of my feelings and opinions because he doesn't have a uterus! It's wonderful though, to have the freedom to bounce our feelings, be they ligitmate or not, off your girlfriends.

You can be real with your girlfriends; you don't ever have to be on. No age group has a monopoly on geniune relationships. They can be enjoyed during with the Pimply PMSing teen years, the neurotic, psychotic 20s, the Think-you've-got-it-all-together 30s, the Fierce 40s and, where I am today, the Fabulous 50s.

As with any relationship, the time spent and energies invested in establishing, cultivating and maintaining a relationship with girlfriends requires prioritizing and balance. You can't neglect your household, work or family in favor or your girlfriend, unless of course she is in crisis mode. In that same vane, the woman your kids call "Auntie" should not be sitting at your kitchen table every time your husband comes in from work and you shouldn't be running over to her house all of the time. There isn't a set calculation for what is considered reasonable and what is not. That is dictated by the needs of your household and should be agreed upon between you and your husband.

Imagine your life as a scaled down dart board. In the center, the bullseye, is Jesus, your spiritual core, the next "ring" represents your husband, then your family. The rings don't end there, and neither does your life. Our total being is made up of many components. Work, personal interests and non-nuclear relationships are among those components. A woman who excludes rich external relationships may not be aware of the myriad of benefits derived from having at least one BFF.

I encourage the outlets of lunch dates, chick flick nights, women's retreat, pamper parties, etc. Being involved with girlfriends in the proper context, can help you as a wife to maintain a sense of self and simply adds joy. If you're a person who can't get into female relationships, but would like to, email me and perhaps we can get to the root of the matter.

I conduct a powerful workshop for women entitled, Your Slip Is Showing, which addresses the development and maintenance of agape friendships between women. For information about how you can bring Your Slip Is Showing to your women's group, email me at wisdomforwives@gmail.com.


By the way in case you were wondering, the little ladies in the picture are two of my eight granddaughters.

Take a Time Out!

Fatigue: Refueling for Renewed Service

Fatigue can make a "nag" of anyone! Nothing goes further to make a woman less able to cope with unruly children, household or job crises and thousands of other mudane irritations. Scripture offers ways for women to reduce fatigue and avoid weariness.

• Support from an understanding husband or close friend helps you handle pressue and stree more effectively. Knowing that someone not only knows about the burden but comes along to help you bear up under the load makes every crisis more tolerable.


• Women are refreshed and invigorated by being able to walk away from burdens even if it's just for a few hours. Such time for yourself can provide renewal of energies and revival of spirt and can produce creativity and stimulate productivity.


• Women need to guard against overcommitment. Even good and godly pursuits must be weighed against the purposes of God. You must learn to say "no," determine to slow your frantic pace, resist the temptation to add more and more to your schedule. Busyness is not necessarily godliness. Perhaps your "R and R" should be Reprioritizing responsibilities and Rethinking free time.

Being tired is a physical affliction. Being weary, on the other hand is a spiritual attitude that results in part from blaming God for your own sinfulness. Life will never free you from fatigue, but fatigue can bring you to the point of setting aside the mundane cares of the world in order to open your heart and sould to the Lord. God can use fatigue to:

1. Cause you to look to Him for satisfaction


2. Administer correct as He pulls back His hand of strength to force you to slow down for refueling, and


3. Prepare you for a greater challenge.

God has promised to satisfy the weary sould and replenish faithfully the sorrowful heart. Sometimes that means "He makes me to lie down". Physical frailties may cause you to miss earthly fun and fellowship, but spirutal resources will enable you to grow stronger on the bed of affliction.

Split Second Bible Lesson: Mary and Martha

Martha's Viewpoint

When we visit friends and relatives we have a good idea of how they think and act. Jesus was no different. He appreciated the differences among His three friends and felt comfortable enough to offer constructive advice as to their priorities.

Martha's outlook on life was quite different from Mary's. It is possible that Martha was older and that her age figured into her personality and perspective. Martha's words and actions depict her as practical and efficient. Nothing is wrong with being practical and efficient if it doesn't interfere with the more important things in life. If it does, it can become a problem. God recorded important examples for us in Scripture (1 Corinthians 10:11), so we can learn from Martha's and Mary's recorded actions.

Mary's outlook
"And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus' feet and heard His word" (verse 39). If one were to read no further, one could assume Mary may have been a little lazy, leaving the needs of hospitality and hostess to her gregarious sister. It was Martha who invited Jesus into their home. It was Mary who simply sat at Jesus' feet, listening to Him talk. Who was the more hospitable, the more sociable? Who was more concerned about serving her Savior, Martha or Mary?

Maybe Mary was shy. But we should consider Jesus' evaluation of Mary's actions. "But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, 'Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.' And Jesus answered and said to her, 'Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her " (Luke 10:40-42).

In a nutshell, Jesus reminded Martha, the hostess-with-the-mostess, that while He appreciated all that she was doing for Him, she was missing out on things that matter most...The "good part which will not be taken away from her."

The key is to value the investment of being still, taking time out to hear from God; to rest the body and to commune with those we love.

Pressed Down, Shaken Together and Running Over!

Simply by virtue of the fact that you're able to sit in front of a computer and read this blog is testimony that you are abundantly blessed! It might not seem like it with today's fragile economy. After all, it was just a short while ago when we could spend $100.00 and bring home a trunk full of food. Nowadays you're fortunate if we're able to bring home half of that amount. Nevertheless we're blessed with abundance. Your abundance might not be the same as mine. Yours might be in clothing, whereas I happen to have an abundance of books. Some abundance is intangible, such as wisdom or talent.

Right now you might not recognize your abundance. Perhaps your bank statements don't reflect abundance, or maybe a turbulent climate in your household or on the job has clouded your ability to recognize your overflow. If that is the case it might not look like it, it certainly doesn't feel like it and as you read this you might be composing a list of "have nots" to refute my claim. Before you do that, take inventory of your blessings, both tangible and intangible.

So you say alright Venus, I've taken inventory and yes you're right, I have a lot of ____ and quite a bit of ____. Now what? I still don't have... peace on the job, money to pay my tuition, etc. To that I pose a question to you. What are you doing with your abundance? Hoarding it? Sitting on it? How about blessing someone with your overflow? It's a way to show the Lord your appreciation for the abundance He has blessed you with.

The Lord has this wonderful way of blessing us when and where we least expect Him to. A while back, I was an independent sales representative for a cosmetics company. I kept quite a bit of my inventory on the built-in shelves and cabinets in my home office. When I decided to end my cosmetics sales career, I still had a large amount of inventory that I couldn't possibly keep for personal use and I wanted to reclaim my shelves for books (and to expand my teapot collection). My first thought was to have some sort of clearance sale, but instead the Lord brought to mind that there are women in shelters who could be blessed with those items so I got on the telephone and contacted a wonderful organization here in Detroit that provides temporary housing to women who are victims of domestic violence. Upon speaking with the director of the facility I shipped several boxes of cosmetics. A short time afterward I received a very touching letter from the shelter, thanking me on behalf of their guests. The director shared with me that the women were delighted to receive those small but uplifting items, mostly because it let them know that someone cared about them. I, in turn am can truly boast of being continuously blessed with both spiritual, and natural abundance. As the saying goes, I might not have everything that I want, but I have everything that I need...and then some.

How about you? Is there a there a cluttered drawer or closet you've been promising to purge? Do you have an extra hour per week to visit a lonely senior or to volunteer to read at a pre-school? You might have an abundance of knowledge in a particular subject that you can pass on to someone else for their benefit.

Our generous heavenly Father has established a phenomenal principle of reciprocity. Bear in mind that abundance doesn't necessarily translate into houses and land or dollars and cents, mine certainly doesn't. Sometimes He repays us with the feeling gratification that only comes when you've know you've sown good seeds into someone else's life. That as they say, is priceless.

Split Second Bible Lesson

Those counted among the poor were the needy, the weak and those who were dependent - the orphans and the widows who were usually in the lower social classes and in need of protection from abuse and neglect. Virtually every prophet of the Old Testament prophesied against those who wrongfully oppressed the poor.

God provided for the poor through His principle of gleaning. Landowners were instructed to leave the remaining grain around the outer perimeters of the fields for the poor to gather. The courts, too, were admonished to deal justly with the poor.

Every Christian will be held accountable for how she has responded to those in need. One of the ways to judge relationship to Christ is how we respond to the hungry, the lonely, the naked and the low in spirit.

The first step to having our own needs met is to become poor in spirit recognizing that every heart separated from God is in spiritual poverty, which is far more tragic than physical poverty. The Lord has promised to provide freely for His children...and He uses us as conduits to provide those blessings one to another in time of need.

Read: Jer. 22:13-16, Matt. 25:31-46, and Acts. 6:1-6